alexmegami: (Default)
This is probably only funny to those who troll the stupider regions of the feminist blagosphere, but:

http://isthisfeminist.tumblr.com

Almost as good as Bioware According to Mom (http://biowareaccordingtomom.tumblr.com).

Mom: killed a thresher maw
Mom: every1 loves my kroger
Reg: Good job! The thresher maw is hard to kill. You’re only required to survive it.
Mom: shooting it is better
Mom: should have made u do this tho
Reg: What.
Mom: instead of homecoming
Mom: prom
Mom: fight and kill thresher maw
Mom: good puberty ritual

Mother why do you want me to fight a thresher maw why would you ask that of me.

D&D Quotes

Jun. 19th, 2011 08:07 pm
alexmegami: (Default)
I promised Jen I would post these weeks ago (like... two), so have the best quotes from her first game of D&D ;)

[Jen's character, Mab, gets shot with an arrow. We inform her that she can Intimidate the bloodied enemies out of combat so they'll flee.]

Jen: Great. I am pulling the arrow out of my stomach, licking my own blood off of it, and scream

"IS THIS WHERE YOU WANT TO DIE?!"


[rolls a 29]
Patrick: "No, it sure ain't!"

[Simon's dwarf, Sigrun, upon entering a underground lair:]

Simon: Smell that air!
Me: Stale and dusty?
Simon: Yup! Smells like home.

[Karl was one of the thugs we beat up and scared the shit out of, and wound up trying to take him back to town to be prosecuted. At one point we asked Patrick if Karl could do something.]

Patrick: Uh... no.
Simon: Fair enough. Karl has no applicable skills outside of betrayal and cowardice.
alexmegami: (Default)
Alex: Jack Layton is now following me on Twitter.
http://twitter.com/jack_layton_mp
"This budget it a complete failure. It doesn't even afford Canada's politicians a desperately needed tax break on moustache dye."

Patrick: ... No fucking way...

Alex: lol
That's the fake. The real one is just jack_layton

Patrick: The real one is much less interested in moustache politics?

Alex: Yeah, more into posting shit like "watch the debates online!"
Jack Layton's favorite word is "great".

Patrick: It should be moustache.

Alex: It should be. Alas.

Patrick: His moustache haunts me, Alex. I know I shouldn't vote for his brand of short sighted leftist spending... and yet... the moustache.

Alex: It loves you.
It wants you to be happy.
And unionized.
alexmegami: (Default)
Bia Zelba Akmenos saw a staircase leading up to the surface, but it was guarded by a mob of duergar. The dark dwarves opposed her passage and demanded to know what she was doing here.

Bia Zelba Akmenos made a Charisma check with a difficulty of 17 . . . and rolled 19

Bia Zelba Akmenos confidently told a story of adventure with plenty of fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, and miracles. Duergar are rarely charmed, but these dwarves had not heard such an exciting tale in so long they gladly let Bia Zelba Akmenos pass. They even donated some gold to support her further adventures after she promised to come back and tell them more next year.


Yes, but does it have kissing?
alexmegami: (Default)
Alex: D'or is played by Harrison Ford.
HasturHasturHastur: Is he?
Alex: In my head right now.
Alex: I'll be in my bunk.
Alex: SHUT UP OKAY
HasturHasturHastur: What? WHAT?
Alex: Nothing.
Alex: I just like Harrison Ford gorramit.
Alex: Ford Ford Ford. It's even fun to say!
HasturHasturHastur: And your "bunk" is all of 5 feet from your computer
HasturHasturHastur: Fnord?
Alex: I KNOW okay so maybe I'm fjording right now. Fording. MASTURBATION
HasturHasturHastur: Now I'll be in my bunk! JEEZ

Heh

Oct. 9th, 2007 02:04 pm
alexmegami: (Default)
MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George W. Bush

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!

(credited to Richard Thompson)

Damn, reading this "poem" of Bush malapropisms makes me think of a school project I did in... hmm, must have been OAC, but I'll be damned if I can remember what class it was for. It was basically a magazine - oh, I think it may have been grade 12; we were supposed to pick something that was a theme of Brave New World or summat like that, and write a magazine based on it. So we [I don't remember who 'we' were - SimonL?] did politics.

Anyway, all our advertisements and visuals revolved around making fun of Bush. "Fall into the GAP", with the GAP logo falling into Bush's head; "You misunderestimate the power of the Dark Side" Bush Wars comic... good times.
alexmegami: (Default)
So this... uh, person (man, I think, now) teaching English over in Japan realized that, since exams happen three weeks before the end of school, his students were... not paying attention.

So he gave them a quick course on American-style comics...

and had them fill in blanked-out speech bubbles from Penny Arcade comics.

I am laughing SO hard.

So far, my favorite is Gabe/Tycho Slash, Volume 2, but Love Letters/It's a Tie is also fucking awesome. As is No, That's A Mailbox. Oh, and Final Fantasy Tactics, Tycho's Faith is Shattered, and Poison For Penis Enlargement. And something tells me the real Tycho would try this...

It's a bear forecast, and I don't mean in the stock market.

Wait, so Blade's blind date is a lesbian? Also, how old is she?

Also, I wish I'd known I could demand consolation money post-breakup. THESE KIDS ARE SO FUCKING AWESOME.

Tycho/Gabe mpreg, oh god, it hurts to laugh

Gabe Meets Jesus... or DOES he? Kill him to be sure.

Scientology motivational poster.

The truth about Jesus.

Jesus explains his holiday policy

Tycho's a bastard.

Check it out.
alexmegami: (Default)
Working for my dad tomorrow, yay. (Not getting NEARLY enough sleep, but meh.)

Also, went looking for a graduation dress today - found a very nice white and green sundress with green ribbons that is VERY cute, and a black one with a kind of mesh top part, beading, and then solid black from just above the breasts down, with beadwork over top of the line between the two. I promised Jessica pictures, so there will be pictures, whichever one I get, or even if I get a suit instead. Tomorrow Mom and I are going to hit up The Fashion Network...

But I really like the green and white one.
It's even in my birthstone color. ;) (So I already have jewelery that would go with it!)

In other news, I have been making my own motivational posters. Personally, I like the "Essence schmessence" one ;) "TEAMMATES" is also funny. "TRUE LOVE" is just a jab at Patrick. ^_-

Soooooooooooooo yeah!
alexmegami: (Default)
You all NEED to read this RPG.net thread.

Reasons:

For SimonL )

For Jason )

For those playing Exalted in my game: )

For Everyone Else: )
alexmegami: (Default)
Martin, Harper and Layton are flying on the Executive Airbus to a gathering in British Columbia, when Martin turns to Harper and says, chuckling, "You know, I could throw a $1000 bill out the window right now and make someone very happy."

Harper shrugs and replies, "Well, I could throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten people happy."

Not to be outdone, Layton says, "Well, I could throw a hundred $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people happy."

The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "What arrogant asses back there! Hell, I could throw all three of them out the window and make 32 million people happy."

(Happy voting, everyone!)

PWNED!!!

Aug. 18th, 2005 11:00 am
alexmegami: (Default)
See? Forums aren't only bad for MY health...

Busted.
Grounded.

PWNED!!!

(5th post in)
alexmegami: (inara/kaylee)
Things I never expected to see in Serenity quotes:

Spoilers for the movie from IMDB )
alexmegami: (Default)
I'm trying to put together some good V:tR Devotions, in particular for Az. Comments, suggestions, ideas?

-----

BALEETED!

Hung out with SimonB yesterday. That was, shall we say, hilarious awesomeness. Apparently Patrick has no shred of human dignity left, despite his insistences otherwise.

Complained about... well... everything... but because Simon is awesome he made it all better with HUMOR! We went out to Kelsey's for dinner, which was tasty (mmmm, caramel cake).

Then, there was the "let's make this character as other supernatural nWoD types!" game. So we made Everest as a vampire (he started as a Mage; Simon had already done him as a were, which he's pretty boss at; he made a reasonably cool Gangrel).

Then we did Randy the Random Vampire!
No, literally, random. We rolled a d6 for clan (1; Daeva); a d6 for covenant (6, Unbound); a d8 for Virtue/Vice (Charity/Sloth), and then a d6 to figure out primary/secondary/tertiary for Mentals/Physicals/Socials. Then again for skills; then a d8 to figure out which skill to prioritize in the group, then a d6 for how MANY skills to have in the group.

In the end, he became a lazy trust fund heir with a penchant for hiking who bought his way into vampirism.

And he was a pretty boss werewolf, too. Not so great a Mage, but.

Then we did Az as a crappy Ithaeur/Storm Lord XD and then again as a Moros/Silver Ladder. That was entertaining.

Yep. We're nuts.
alexmegami: (Default)
(Today's trivia: did you know Jon Stewart is a full inch shorter than me? He's hot, he's 43, he's shorter than me. I'm not sure how I feel about that. However, I will still use my spare time to ponder the possibilities of converting to Judaism.)

Key quotes from tonight:

The "General Grant" and the HORN

Bill O'Reilly: Civilian lawyers and human rights groups are allies of terror!

Bill O'Reilly: Let's tell John McCain torture WORKS!

Jon: (re: the plane crash that everyone survived) "IT WASN'T A MIRACLE!"
[clip of EMT worker talking about their excellent response time, etc.]
Jon: "FINALLY! Some kudos to human excellence in the field. Those EMTs are awesome..."
EMT worker: "And it was really a miracle..."
Jon: "NO! IT WAS THEIR SATANIC COMPETENCE!"

News Reporter: "And is it just me, or is there a baby boom of pandas in this country?"
Jon: "Perhaps it's a miracle! Or perhaps it's [ominous] SEASONAL BREEDING PATTERNS."

Jon: "You're too white to say schmutz."

Jon Stewart: "Does [Novak] absorb light?"
Miles O'Brien: "I think he glows in the dark."
alexmegami: (Default)
Blind Teen Can Probably Whup Your Ass at Video Games

Man, that's... almost depressing. *L* Still, that's really cool, yo.
alexmegami: (Default)
Why couldn't Jon Stewart have given my Commencement speech?

"I am honored to be here, I do have a confession to make before we get going that I should explain very quickly. When I am not on television, this is actually how I dress. I apologize, but there’s something very freeing about it. I congratulate the students for being able to walk even a half a mile in this non-breathable fabric in the Williamsburg heat. I am sure the environment that now exists under your robes, are the same conditions that primordial life began on this earth.

I know there were some parents that were concerned about my speech here tonight, and I want to assure you that you will not hear any language that is not common at, say, a dock workers union meeting, or Tourrett’s convention, or profanity seminar. Rest assured."

Whole thing under the cut, because I want this in case the link goes defunct )
alexmegami: (Default)
Alex says: Question!
Min says: hmm?
Alex says: Would you prefer the US to be more serious than usual, or his usual Charleston Heston self?
Min says: Heston is fine
Alex says: Haha, OK.
Min says: Or you could make him Connery if you really wanted.
Alex says: Haha
Alex says: "The day is mine, Solars!"
Alex says: /pun

And it totally wasn't intentional, either.
alexmegami: (Default)
First off: newly-discovered planet has three suns, causing problems for our current theories on how planet formation works.

Second off:

Geekery abounds when one has just stolen a plot for Exalted from your boyfriend and then hear Smashmouth's All-Star in the car.

...You'll never shine if you don't glow...

Hey now
You're a Solar
Get your armor, and blade
Hey now
You're a Solar
Find a Lunar, get laid
All that glitters is gold
Only shooting Suns break the mold...


I mean, "you'll never shine if you don't glow"? I was like, "CHARMS! YOU HAVE TO USE CHARMS!"

And then the men in white coats read my blog. Shh, I've got very little time left.
alexmegami: (Default)
ESkemp:

While I like watching Superman fight Batman (and lose, har har) every now and again, I still have to say that the eminent Christopher Lee had an amusing take on the angle: "Someone asked me yesterday if Dracula met Saruman and there was a fight who would win. I just looked at this man. What an idiotic thing to say. I mean, really, it was half-witted."

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