Alex's Journal

"Positive feedback loops: exploit the everloving shit out of them. They're like real life Experience Eggs."
-mysticjuicer, here

For Jen, Katie-love, and my sister: http://vampirely.wordpress.com/

Jeremy: *uncomfortable silence*
Alex: Win!
Alex: Man, I thought I was going to lose uncomfortableness out of you.
Alex: And then how would I have fun?
Jeremy: Yesh, tat wud b bad
Alex: i r ur ebil oberlord
Alex: bow down 2meh
Jeremy: i bow 2 no 1!
Jeremy: hav at thee!
Alex: inconcievable!
Jeremy: i wil dfeet yu in MORTEL KOMBET!
Alex: i am teh six-fingrd kitten!
Jeremy: but u c, i m not actualy left handeded!
Alex: i r teh dredd pirat robertz
Jeremy: no mor rimes now i mennut
Jeremy: mi feets iz cold
Alex: nevr start a landwar in aza
Jeremy: hav fun strmng teh catsle!
Alex: ur onlee mostly ded
Jeremy: damit, i is teh losr

Edit: Edited because, ironically, I can't seem to spell...

Ahahahaha... ouch.

(Whenever anyone asks me what an English major can do - why, screw companies out of millions of dollars! Stupid Rogers.)

Also, Ikea totally wins all my love today.

I didn't think conversations like that actually happened.

Back story: the guy that refills/replaces (?) our fire extinguishers came to the office to do, well, just that. Darrell and Claudio are not in the office, so he gets talking to me. He's a very friendly guy, forties, speaks quickly (almost too quickly to keep up with).

So he asked if I was working here part-time or full-time, what school I was going to, and so on. So I told him about going to Humber, and he starts into this diatribe about university professors being wankers and stuff like that. Whatever, some of 'em are (I heard the same story from him as I did from my parents about York and UofT professors, so I can only assume it is true...). He's kind of rambling, but he's so enamoured with his own voice that I can literally just smile and nod.

Then he starts going on about television and how he hates watching "CBS, ABC, all those channels, because of their left wing socialist bias."

I just looked at him.

Oh no, but it continued. He loves Bill O'Reilly, FOX News. "Everyone says they're so right-wing, but really, they're kind of right of centre. And Bill O'Reilly, well, he's all over the place."

I smiled and nodded, not sure if the correct response was "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you're joking, right?", "I voted NDP", or "Wow, suddenly I've realized what Tucker Carlson looks like without his bowtie."

He continues going on about the left-wing socialist media - no, seriously, he couldn't refer to the media without using these words - and then subtly shifts his focus to celebrities that attempt to do humane things. "What's Bono really doing? Trying to get on magazine covers, I think. He's just a celebrity." Apparently sending money to Africa doesn't work, because a 20/20 reporter wrote that it doesn't. "Angelina Jolie might really care about kids in Africa, but Brad Pitt? I doubt it." My mind envisions Christy and Amber, now named Team Short, Brunette, And Kicking His Ass, well, kicking his ass.

I slowly move forward, and he backs out the door, finally leaving with some cheerful words goodbye.

I am so very amused.

Left-wing socialist media.

Right, and Bill O'Reilly's right-of-centre.

This man has obviously never heard of Michael Corin.

So I e-mailed the e-mail address from the list of people Rob Corddry hates... and the response was personalized enough that they noticed that my name in the e-mail header was "Alessandra", but that I'd signed it "Alex".

(You get an e-mail with this image as an attachment back. Glee! Rob Corddry hates me!)

I know I have NO ONE TO BLAME BUT MYSELF, but I think I shall blame sae anyway.

Crackalicious, crack crack crack crackity crack crack.

By which I mean, go read for the hilarity.

No, really. It's a superhero dictionary! You'll love it, I promise!

...I should either go get Patrick, or type up more essay.