Free Will Astrology

[alexmegami]

http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/virgo.html

Virgo, for the week of June 25, 2009:

There's a better than even chance that you're about to embark on a Summer of Love. To improve your odds even more, meditate on the following questions. 1. What qualities do you look for in a lover that you would benefit from developing more fully in yourself? 2. What do you think are your two biggest delusions about the way love works? 3. Is there anything you can do to make yourself more lovable? 4. Is there anything you can do to be more loving? 5. Are you willing to deal with the fact that any intimate relationship worth pursuing will inevitably evoke the most negative aspects of both partners -- and require both partners to heal their oldest wounds?

Interestingness and passion. Energy (wish I could develop that one). "Class"? Elegance, I think. Better word for it. The ability to dance. Grace. Thinky thoughts. It doesn't; I'm still not convinced that's a delusion though. People work and they do the work and they benefit from the work. See answer to question one. I feel like I'm losing love tickets. I need a machine that gives me back the ones I give, except machines don't give love tickets, people do. I'm not even sure what mine are.

I will tell you a secret. It was going to be my PostSecret, but here it is for you: I want a lover that will pull me apart, find the black gunk inside, play around with it a bit and put it back and piece me back together. I worry that my black gunk isn't. I worry that people are good at the pulling apart but not the putting back together. I know that not many people want to get covered in gunk anyway. It's a messy thing. Besides, you have to know where to find the seams.

And actually, this isn't that cryptic.

Comments

[trenog.livejournal.com]

From what it sounds like it seems to go deeper than that.

For me, I would attribute black gunk to the inner darkness of the heart and mind. A person at face value can display whatever part of themselves they want but will generally only pick a personality that's either advantageous or one that's easy enough to maintain (not on account of lazyness, but because it just sort of bubbles up frequently enough and be held together with some ease even under duress).

However, what's at face value does not have to reveal anything of how a person feels in these times under duress or under other special circumstances. Sadness, hate, insecurity, sadism, masochism, lust; all these kinds of emotions can be moving around inside and if there is no outlet, or no way to express or share in these feelings then it just ends up causing further problems as you try and hold yourself in order to maintain your face value, your status quo.

But there is a problem with only trying to find an outlet for these things. It is very easy to find others who express themselves outwardly using these emotions. The person who cares only about physical gratification, who tares into their partner or their slave because they want their fix or their power, or you've got the slave themselves that waits eagerly to feel themselves become torn, to have their cork popped and the ocean well out. Because in the end, they won't really be there after they have taken or received what they wanted, their physical gratification. They are too focused on the game that they do not see outside themselves and the pain that the other person is still in, like themselves.

This is why you need someone special. Someone who feels these things, knows these things, but is of enough worth that they can, at the end of the emotional explosion, hold the other person close and say they'll never leave. Say that there is a tomorrow, and slyly remark or gently kiss into words, that they will help make it better, whether that is to slowly reduce the amount of inner darkness, or to be there to keep it company and exercise with it. This connection is a missing love for some people, a never realized hope. But, it is important to know that there are these kinds of people and that you can sometimes find them in places you wouldn't expect. People can be very versatile and understanding at times and so even if you can't find the perfect one, sometimes you can make something more out of what you have, if the other is willing.

I think I can take a break from my essay of understanding now :) I feel a bit drained myself :)

[alexmegami]

Sort of and yet not quite?

It's not that I need someone of worth/loveability. I have those. It's that no one that fits that is ??prepared??/??willing?? to go to the depth required; and to find someone that is, and then get them to the point that they could manage it, would be exhausting.

[trenog.livejournal.com]

It sounds like you want to have someone willing to delve deep into your person and is already capable of some deep diving requiring little instruction (each person being unique, etc.). That to have less of either would be tiring to you because that's not why you came to them in the first place. Although that's probably me just re-stating what you just said.