Alex's Journal

So we're looking down the barrel of the end of March, and I'm still sitting at 4/50 books for the year.

Today (technically yesterday) was day 366 of working for my current employer, and the same complaints I've had for a while remain. They're asking me to do more work than I can handle on my own, despite the fact that I've said several times that I can't handle the load alone. I was there until 7 PM today, and really could have stayed longer if I were able to (I needed to leave to eat and ship off Purolator items, and can't return once I've left). Everyone needs things NOW, but I only have so many NOWs that I can dole out and it's not always possible even then. Sometimes you just have to wait on the other guy.

Part of me says, you have savings, just leave and try and find something closer to home. I might, after we find out how much I owe in income tax (from being "self-employed" for four months). But part of me worries that there's nothing out there for anyone, especially not me.

Every time I look at my life I see things that I'm failing to do, that I don't have time and energy for. To be honest, I'm also not sure I have the motivation to do them. But I don't have the time or energy to find out.

I don't see the people that are close to me often enough. And there's not enough weekend to cram everyone into, and even if I'm free... sometimes you just have to wait on the other guy.

I'm so tired, but I can never sleep. I've been having a lot of disturbed sleep lately. Not-quite-nightmares, uneasy rest full of monsters that seem human.

Sometimes I just want to go away, but I know I'll be taking me along. There's no getting away from that.

Woo, three more goals to add to the list. Maybe today I'll do my PostSecret postcard (though I don't think I have anything appropriate for it... so maybe I'll do the fan letter instead.)

Keep up with the goal list here.

( 08. Finish editing the Vampire pilot. )

( 24. Read something by Haruki Murakami. )

( 100. Get a raise. )

So that's my life lately.

I think a few of you were confused by my last post. Namely, that it's not like I invented it or anything. I was just reporting on what I saw. I can't explain it any better than you can. I just thought it was fucking hilarious.

As a follow-up:

A: If I had to sit in that office for three minutes, I'd fall asleep against the wall.
P: If I had to sit in that office, I'd become a suicide bomber.
[pause]
P (to me): You can't repeat anything we say or we'll kill you.
ME: (barely containing laughter) Sounds like a plan.