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Out of the Terry Pratchett Quote-File:
"Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without inadvertently mentioning at least three of them."
"Death isn't on line. If he was, there would be a sudden drop in the death rate. Although it'd be interesting to see if he'd post things like: DON'T YOU THINK I SOUND LIKE JAMES EARL JONES?"
"Kids! Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your home."
"Shadwell hated all southerners and, by inference, was standing at the North Pole."
"If you take the small view, the universe is just something small and round, like those water-filled balls which produce a miniature snowstorm when you shake them. Although, unless the ineffable plan is a lot more ineffable than it's given credit for, it does not have a large plastic snowman at the bottom."
- "Surely you have considered terrorist activity?"
There was another pause. Then the spokesman said, in the quiet tones of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chickens somewhere, "Yes, I suppose we must. All we need to do is find some terrorists who are capable of taking an entire nuclear reactor out of its can while it's running and without anyone noticing. It weighs about a thousand tons and is forty feet high. So they'll be quite strong terrorists. Perhaps you'd like to ring them up, sir, and ask them questions in that supercilious, accusatory way of yours."
"PEOPLE'S WHOLE LIVES DO PASS IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES BEFORE THEY DIE. THE PROCESS IS CALLED 'LIVING'."
"Today Is A Good Day For Someone Else To Die!"
"Luck is my middle name," said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you, my first name is Bad."
"The Patrician was a pragmatist. He never tried to fix things that worked. Things that didn't work, however, got broken."
"The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant duty to acquire as much as possible in order to reduce the risk to innocent people."
"Greebo's technique was unscientific and wouldn't have stood a chance against any decent swordmanship, but on his side was the fact that it is almost impossible to develop decent swordmanship when you seem to have run into a food mixer that is biting your ear off."
"In fact, no gods anywhere play chess. They prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight to Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs."
---
Off to Mage with me, then. (Yes, after subjecting myself to irony and humor, I'll go attempt to play the most emotionless, bitchy character I've ever made. Wow am I dumb.)
Ahhh, and today was such a nice day! *squeals* I can only hope for more warmth like it in the future. The weather had better not go back to being cold, or I will be upset. (Oh yes, Alex, because the weather feels so threatened by the prospect of your unhappiness.)
"Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without inadvertently mentioning at least three of them."
"Death isn't on line. If he was, there would be a sudden drop in the death rate. Although it'd be interesting to see if he'd post things like: DON'T YOU THINK I SOUND LIKE JAMES EARL JONES?"
"Kids! Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your home."
"Shadwell hated all southerners and, by inference, was standing at the North Pole."
"If you take the small view, the universe is just something small and round, like those water-filled balls which produce a miniature snowstorm when you shake them. Although, unless the ineffable plan is a lot more ineffable than it's given credit for, it does not have a large plastic snowman at the bottom."
- "Surely you have considered terrorist activity?"
There was another pause. Then the spokesman said, in the quiet tones of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chickens somewhere, "Yes, I suppose we must. All we need to do is find some terrorists who are capable of taking an entire nuclear reactor out of its can while it's running and without anyone noticing. It weighs about a thousand tons and is forty feet high. So they'll be quite strong terrorists. Perhaps you'd like to ring them up, sir, and ask them questions in that supercilious, accusatory way of yours."
"PEOPLE'S WHOLE LIVES DO PASS IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES BEFORE THEY DIE. THE PROCESS IS CALLED 'LIVING'."
"Today Is A Good Day For Someone Else To Die!"
"Luck is my middle name," said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you, my first name is Bad."
"The Patrician was a pragmatist. He never tried to fix things that worked. Things that didn't work, however, got broken."
"The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant duty to acquire as much as possible in order to reduce the risk to innocent people."
"Greebo's technique was unscientific and wouldn't have stood a chance against any decent swordmanship, but on his side was the fact that it is almost impossible to develop decent swordmanship when you seem to have run into a food mixer that is biting your ear off."
"In fact, no gods anywhere play chess. They prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight to Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs."
---
Off to Mage with me, then. (Yes, after subjecting myself to irony and humor, I'll go attempt to play the most emotionless, bitchy character I've ever made. Wow am I dumb.)
Ahhh, and today was such a nice day! *squeals* I can only hope for more warmth like it in the future. The weather had better not go back to being cold, or I will be upset. (Oh yes, Alex, because the weather feels so threatened by the prospect of your unhappiness.)
