Harry Potter Sorting, without the actual sorting!

[alexmegami]

So cythraul joined a HP community, and I was... let us say... somewhat flabbergasted by him being sorted into Slytherin, with only minimal Ravenclaw. *LOL*

Anyway, he is insistent that I should join! But that involves Doing Things On The Internet, which sounds like something I don't do much of anymore. However, I conceded that I would at least answer the comm's sorting questions for all and sundry to see. :P If you have no interest in what is basically a meme with a distinct Harry Potter flavor, don't click through...

1. What sort of profession in the wizarding world would you choose and why?
   
   I am a massage therapist by trade, but this seems like an unlikely choice in a world that has potions and draughts to assuage most ailments. "Hermit and/or recluse" seems a likely choice, although that still leaves me needing to find a way to feed myself. I think I may have suggested researcher as a possibility to cythraul.
   
   The problem is, I am extremely unmotivated, I hate waking up early, and I don't work well in a team environment or anywhere where I have to collaborate with others.
   
   The only other background I have is in banking, but Gringotts is strictly goblin-run, yes?
   
   I don't know. I'm not even an especially good cook.
   
   But it's difficult to imagine what life would have been like if I'd grown up as a wizard - I mean, what courses would I have been good at? (Admittedly, Transfiguration would have been fantastic for teen me. Probably in a way that would have weirded out the professors. Astronomy? And Muggle Studies and Study of Ancient Runes.) Soooooooooooo probably I would have the equivalent of a Classics degree with a minor in Seers or something and then I got a desk job in Muggle Relations...
   
   ...you know, it occurs to me that STIs are probably not really a thing in the wizarding world. WIZARD SEX WORKER!
   
   
2. You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one Harry Potter character other than Hagrid and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you'd want with you.
   
   One of the centaurs - Firenze would probably be the best choice. He knows the forest and in the event that nothing happened, we'd still be able to chat astronomy and divination.
   
   As for an object, how about the ol' Ford Anglia? It's already living there...
   
   
3. If you had the opportunity to live forever, but your family and friends did not, what would you choose? And if you did choose to live forever, what would you do with eternity?
   
   God, no. I can barely fill up the hours of the day I do have with things I want to do. (Low motivation huzzah.) Unless the immortality is able to be ended (e.g. you're immortal unless you're killed), that sounds perfectly awful.
   
   
4. If you could travel back in time to one point, when and where would you go? Why?
   
   As the estimable andpuff said (paraphrased), I'm rather partial to modern medicine and sanitation practices. Plumbing! It's amazing! Hot water at your fingertips! But, if I had to choose, I'd probably choose Egypt, 25 BC or so, and magically protect the library of Alexandria. (That time, anyway.)
   
   
5. What HP character do you identify with most and why?
   
   ...
   .....
   .......
   
   Cuthbert Binns?
   
   
6. What would you see if you looked into the Mirror of Erised?
   
   A me that has motivation and energy. Oh man you have no idea how awesome that would be.
   
   
7. Do you believe that moral actions should be judged by the intentions behind them, or by the consequences they create?
   
   I'd say it depends on who's doing the judging and who is being judged. Consequences have at a minimum a 50% market share on the morality of an action; for total strangers it's higher, for someone close to me I'd probably allow their intentions to sway me a little more towards the 50%.
   
   
8. What was your ideal job as a kid? Has that changed? What is your ideal job now?
   
   I wanted to be a gypsy, or maybe an astronaut, and definitely a writer, and maybe a rock star, but at least a writer.
   
   At this point I'd probably say I'd like to have written, per Terry Pratchett - although I HAVE done, just not in such a way that I could, say, support myself doing it.
   
   "Rich billionaire playboy world traveller" isn't really a job description, is it?
   
   I'd like to invent a roleplaying game. That would be pretty badass.
   
   
9. If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it, and what would you call it?
   
   I originally said the Babelfish, because I can't remember if there's already a spell for that, but cythraul disapproved :P. So then I came up with the ultimate Canadian charm: one that turns clothes into whatever is exactly right for the weather at the time. I'd call it Tempoformare.
   
   
10. If you were to face a boggart, what would it turn into? And what does it turn into when you throw the counter-spell, Riddikulus?
    
    "The concept of aloneness doesn't translate well into a physical being". (Frank the Bunny? Frank the Bunny wearing a pink tutu and every time he speaks the poppiest pop music issues forth?)
    
    
11. What do you look for in a friend?
    
    Sociability, an interest in sex and sex-related things, geekiness, shared senses of humor, a penchant for punning especially; someone who can draw me out into doing things is great because left alone I will ALONE HARD. People who have interesting lives that I can live through vicariously? (I know, that's terrible.)
    
    
12. What trait most annoys you about other people?
    
    People who poke at sore spots just because they think the other person is taking themselves too seriously.
    
    
13. What do you think are your top five abilities or qualities?
    
    Hahaha, this is almost painful, but...
    
    1. I give a pretty good massage, I am told!
    2. I like to think of myself as dependable? If I say I am going to be somewhere and do something, I do my best to follow through.
    3. When I can *access* it, I'd like to think I have some talent for writing/tale-telling...
    4. I'm pretty good at picking up languages, at least for reading purposes. (My ability to speak them is somewhat hindered by a lack of practice.)
    5. I have a pretty good work ethic, despite the whole low motivation and low energy thing.
    
    
14. What do you think are your top five weaknesses or worst qualities?
    
    1. I softpedal myself like whoa, as can be seen by the immense hedging above...
    2. Did I mention the apathy and low motivation? I'll also include an unhealthy tendency to procrastinate under this general heading.
    3. Uh, my depression can make me fucking insufferable sometimes, in the "DO YOU LOVE ME? I DON'T BELIEVE IT BECAUSE I AM TOTALLY UNLOVABLE, LIAR" way. I mostly keep this away from everyone except Patrick.
    4. I will eat anxiety for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if I'm not careful. I literally spent two years being physically sick every work morning because I couldn't find it in me to stand up for myself or leave the job because OH MY GOD WHAT IF I NEVER HAVE ANOTHER JOB?
    5. My brain is made of swiss cheese. Holes the size of mice.
    
    
15. Define in your own words the following key traits:
    
    
    
    • Courage: Action even in the face of fear and/or overwhelming odds.
      
    • Loyalty: Devotion to the best form of a person/group.
      
    • Intelligence: A dual part capacity to take in information and also the curiosity to pursue it.
      
    • Ambition: Motivation and drive, albeit using a word that does somewhat connote a malicious or at least greedy desire to acquire [whatever thing one is ambitious for - power, information]. But it is not necessarily either of those.
      
    
    

Comments

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

Shame there's no Panda Bear house, for those of us in the "talent but no motivation" crowd. What would it be called? Lazyrus?

[alexmegami]

I think that's traditionally Hufflepuff, which is almost literally described in book 5 as Miscellaneous Other.

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

Really? I don't remember that particular bit - I thought Hufflepuff was the people who were good-hearted over anything else. And it's perfectly possible to be not-particularly-goodhearted while still being too lazy to be, say, a Slytherin. :)

[alexmegami]

http://www.hp-lexicon.org/hogwarts/sorting_hat.html

From Order of the Phoenix:

Said Slytherin, "We'll teach just those
Whose ancestry's purest."
Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose
Intelligence is surest"
Said Gryffindor, "We'll teach all those
With brave deeds to their name."
Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot
And treat them just the same."

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

I bow to your superior Googling. :) Although I would argue that the textual evidence supports a particular lean towards good-hearted people.

[alexmegami]

Patient, hardworking, and good-hearted are pretty much it, yeah. The ultimate in behind-the-scenes. :)

[sasuran.livejournal.com]

Think I'd put you in Ravenclaw! Although, Hufflepuff Wizard Sex Worker....

[alexmegami]

Awwww, that's sweet. I... Honestly probably would be just a muggle. Heh ^_-;;;