Live this simulated life for me...

[alexmegami]

You hide behind a calm, cool, collected face. You pretend to be fully in control of everything during the day. But I see you at night - the tired, frightened child that can't escape from his dreams. Years from trailing a blanket or sucking your thumb, you still project the image of a terrified toddler, not grasping the meaning of the sadness that overwhelms you.

Imagine what your life would be like if I were a cruel person. Imagine if I exploited you, exposed you, shamed you before yourself. Think of how deliciously sadistic it would be if I pared away every fear, every neuroses, and held it up, paper-thin, to the light. Imagine you were only a skeleton, cold and lost in a world of humanity. Or perhaps a knife would do better; clumsily hacking away at every negative feeling in you.

There would be nothing left.

Or, better yet, don't think about it at all. I am not a violent man; it is just that your self-hatred runs so deep that sometimes, I can't help but hate you too. But when you sleep in my arms, that delicate angelic child that you seem to be when you come to my door, I forgive you. I love you. It may not be unconditional, but then, love rarely is.

So sleep until tomorrow, and perhaps during the night, I can carefully remove a fear and replace it with a hope. Perhaps, someday, my love will repair you so that you can continue to work on yourself alone; and that day, you will leave me.

Just remember that I loved you first.

~end~

Comments

Writers Block Comment:

[mysticjuicer.livejournal.com]

I particularly enjoy the last 2 paragraphs (this counts the single last line as a P.) Runs close to some of the darker things I've felt at one point or another. I like the way you put it, well done. :>)

Peace.

Aditional note:

[mysticjuicer.livejournal.com]

"fully in control of everything" seems a bit redundant..

Don't understand what you mean by "can't escape from his dreams", when I read that sentence, I get no mental image at all.. either you need to describe an expression. I guess it needs some emotional imagery.

Apart from that, all that it really asks for is some sort of working title to give it a greater direction or meaning. Or is "Live this simulated life for me..." the title? I'd be happy to have your reasons for it, if you can supply them.

Peace.

Re: Aditional note:

[alexmegami]

Hmm, possibly. Keep in mind this was written in like ten seconds. ^^ Probably I'll take out fully, although... "fully in control of everything", at least to me, implies more of a dictator-like grasp on EVERYTHING, whereas just "in control of everything" seems more like he's neurotic... but he is... meh. Take out the 'fully' anyway.

If I told you who was narrating and who it was about, it would probably make more sense. (I don't like when Emmett gets scary.) He's talking literally about Clarke being unable to evade his premonitions.

And no, that's not it. That was actually a product of too much Sims. ;) I have no title for it yet. Suggestions welcome. *l*

Just to clarify:

[mysticjuicer.livejournal.com]

It sounds more akward then conjuring of a dictatorial grasp over what he does to me.. I would say... hmmm..
"securely in control of everything"
"in total control"
or you can use a versin of the rule with an iron fist image that fits. Anything to clarify your meaning in the sentence.

Okay. No prob with meaning then, as I'd have to read the piece in context in either case.

titles... okay..
"Surgical Psychology"
"Cure of the Knife"
... that's about all I can dish out at the moment.'

Peace.

Re: Just to clarify:

[alexmegami]

Hmm. He's not secure, so let's discard that. 'In total control' works though...

Wai.

I like "Surgical Psychology"... for some reason "Vindictive Love" comes to mind. or "Acrimonious Love". I like that word. Acrimonious. I just discovered it. ^^
Since it's Emmett-narrative, the emotion is really the important part...

[doomedmessenger.livejournal.com]

i like that actually. Reminds me of certain people... and yet not exactly. Nice. ^_^ So who is it who's talking?

^^

[alexmegami]

Emmett. Yet another character who just walked in one day and said "write me!". I think he was in a bad mood during that though. Usually he's much nicer. ^^;