Reasons Why The Bible Is Hilarious, Part 1
Jul. 6th, 2005 03:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alexmegami(Reason for this: Leah (my Shadowrun character) and her contacts are named after Joseph, Jacob and Jacob's first wife (Leah) in the Bible.)
Alex says: Though I can never remember if Leah's the good one. I think so. Rebecca's the older one... right?
pbradley says: Yes.
pbradley says: I'm fairly sure. Look it up.
Alex says: No, wait, Rachel is the other sister.
Alex says: And Rachel was the good one.
pbradley says: Oh. Leah is a bad girl?
Alex says: No, Leah's just not pretty. Or loved.
pbradley says: Leah should be BOTH!
Alex says: Haha.
Alex says: Of course, both sisters are FUCKING CRAZY.
Alex says: And, I think, Jacob's cousins.
pbradley says: Siscest? Is that a word?
Alex says: No.
Alex says: Like, seriously fuckin' crazy.
pbradley says: Oh.
Alex says: God says, "Hey, Jacob doesn't love Leah (well, he didn't want to marry her in the first place BUT) so I will make her fertile."
Alex says: Rachel gets JEALOUS!
Alex says: But she can't have children. And Leah can, and does.
Alex says: So Rachel gives Jacob her handmaiden and he has many kids with her.
Alex says: So LEAH gives Jacob HER handmaiden and he has lots of kids with HER.
Alex says: Then Leah's oldest kid finds mandrakes and Rachel's all "dude can I have some"
And Leah says "BITCH NO"
Alex says: And then Rachel says that Leah can sleep with Jacob for some mandrake.
So Leah meets Jacob and is like, "I totally traded you for plants. STICK IT TO ME MAN HO"
pbradley says: This is a bizarre story.
Alex says: This is straight out of the Bible, dude, it's your fuckin' bizzare story.
Alex says: And then Leah has more kids.
pbradley says: Wow!
pbradley says: Uberfertility.
Alex says: And then Rachel has Joseph, and Jacob is SOOOO HAPPY because he forgets his wives are TOTALLY FUCKING INSANE.
(Genesis 29-30, summed up for your convenience.)
Alex says: Though I can never remember if Leah's the good one. I think so. Rebecca's the older one... right?
pbradley says: Yes.
pbradley says: I'm fairly sure. Look it up.
Alex says: No, wait, Rachel is the other sister.
Alex says: And Rachel was the good one.
pbradley says: Oh. Leah is a bad girl?
Alex says: No, Leah's just not pretty. Or loved.
pbradley says: Leah should be BOTH!
Alex says: Haha.
Alex says: Of course, both sisters are FUCKING CRAZY.
Alex says: And, I think, Jacob's cousins.
pbradley says: Siscest? Is that a word?
Alex says: No.
Alex says: Like, seriously fuckin' crazy.
pbradley says: Oh.
Alex says: God says, "Hey, Jacob doesn't love Leah (well, he didn't want to marry her in the first place BUT) so I will make her fertile."
Alex says: Rachel gets JEALOUS!
Alex says: But she can't have children. And Leah can, and does.
Alex says: So Rachel gives Jacob her handmaiden and he has many kids with her.
Alex says: So LEAH gives Jacob HER handmaiden and he has lots of kids with HER.
Alex says: Then Leah's oldest kid finds mandrakes and Rachel's all "dude can I have some"
And Leah says "BITCH NO"
Alex says: And then Rachel says that Leah can sleep with Jacob for some mandrake.
So Leah meets Jacob and is like, "I totally traded you for plants. STICK IT TO ME MAN HO"
pbradley says: This is a bizarre story.
Alex says: This is straight out of the Bible, dude, it's your fuckin' bizzare story.
Alex says: And then Leah has more kids.
pbradley says: Wow!
pbradley says: Uberfertility.
Alex says: And then Rachel has Joseph, and Jacob is SOOOO HAPPY because he forgets his wives are TOTALLY FUCKING INSANE.
(Genesis 29-30, summed up for your convenience.)
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just added you
Date: 2005-07-07 03:20 am (UTC)Re: just added you
Date: 2005-07-07 03:43 am (UTC)Re: just added you
Date: 2005-07-07 05:31 pm (UTC)Re: just added you
Date: 2005-07-27 01:08 am (UTC)Re: just added you
Date: 2005-07-27 02:50 am (UTC)Totally the best part:
Date: 2005-07-07 12:57 pm (UTC)Perhaps I should try reading the Bible sometime. I've got one or more in my room, somewhere...
Re: Totally the best part:
Date: 2005-07-07 02:49 pm (UTC)Reading books on paper is so 1990s.