(no subject)

[alexmegami]

Dear Mom:

No, I don't think you need to have sex to have a sexuality. No, I don't think that having crushes on your female friends in high school is (necessarily) the same thing as being gay. I think that there's a huge step between admiration of a person and, say, masturbating to mental images of them at night.

I did not say this because it only could have come off as snarky or bitchy.

I will, however, eventually brave the question "is it wrong to tell Katie that I'M bisexual? Because I am, and I've known that since I was twelve."

You know, telling Daddy wasn't this stressful.
Telling my friends wasn't this stressful.
Telling Katie was a little stressful, but not this stressful.

In fact, I'd have to say, of all the people that I'm scared to tell, YOU top the list.

Do you think there is a problem here? I do.

No love because you're giving me an ulcer,
Alex

Comments

[dawnie-faith.livejournal.com]

{{{hug}}} I once told my mother that I thought everyone was - to a certain degree - bisexual.

I think it remains the first and only time I've ever made her completely and utterly speechless for a prolonged length of time.

[theeternalmind.livejournal.com]

I don't think you need to have sex to have a sexuality.

Right on. Otherwise, every straight guy/girl who's ever experimented in college or whatever, and every gay guy/girl who's keeping themselves closeted for one reason or another, MUST actually be gay/bi/straight.

Let's not even go into drunken one-night stands.

[alexmegami]

And every guy who ever got married is straight... you know, up until they leave their wife because they realized they were gay, without ever having had sex with a man.

Among any number of other possibilities.

I may take up the fight again tonight. Maybe.

[safti]

Fuckfuckfuckfuck. *hugs tight* That's rough, and I'm sorry. Wierdly enough, I didn't tell my mom I was bi when I was still living at home because I saw how upset and protective she got when I was around boys [mostly 'cause I've always looked years older than I am], and didn't feel like opening up the spectrum. We never actually argued about it - my mum was the reason that I know/knew a lot of lesbians, though she is not gay or even bi herself.

. . . that doesn't entirely explain why I still haven't told her. But.

I say, take up the fight, and tell her. In circumstances like these, where you have support - especially from that of a parental unit - it seems to me to be the best choice. Not that you were asking for advice.

. . . I'll go hide now.

[alexmegami]

I'm trying, but... I mean... rah!

Essentially I worry that it's going to go something like:
Me: Mom, I don't think you have to have sex to have a sexual orientation, because I'm bisexual (at least according to my definition of it).
Her: *disagrees, either with my claiming to be bisexual or still with the definition of it*
Me: >_

[safti]

*wincehugs* I'm sorry. I'd like to simply say that having her claim that you're not bisexual when you've just told her you are is dumb, but . . . you know that. *rolls her eyes* [I will not suggest that I come down to Ontario and make out with you in front of her. Because that's nonsensical and unfair to all parties involved. Really. (/internal voice)]

[alexmegami]

*giggle* Although a friend of mine was talking about how she accidentally came out and I'm thinking of stealing it.

"So, I've been feeling down lately and so I think I'm going to volunteer."
"Oh, that's great! Where?"
"GLOW."
"What's that?"
[shit!] "Uh... Gays and Lesbians of Waterloo. SO ANYWAY..."

[safti]

Ahahaha!

[thricebedamned.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I empathize. I know the best thing to say is "just tell your mom, she'll eventually understand" but I know that's bloody hard, because you know that her perception of you -- you, her sweet, smart, decent, seemingly hetero daughter -- isn't what she thinks she is. Though she'll probably recover.

I haven't told my dad about me liking the boys, neither. I've been out of his house -- and 150kms away -- for more than a decade. Yet I still haven't told him, because what I imagine his reaction to be scares the crap out of me. He's now eighty, and french catholic, and has previously disapproved of the slightest hint of gay. What's he going to do now? Throw me out of the house? Write me out of the meager pieces of his will?

Logically, I know it's dumb. I'm still terrified.

[alexmegami]

See, I don't think she'd have a problem with it, exactly.

It's just that I don't (or at least, won't admit to >_> because sharing my sex life with my mother is, uh, not happening) fit her definition of it.

I think you have more of an excuse than I do, even with the 150km between you and your father. I wouldn't want to tell my grandmother, who sounds about the same. I think the fear of her never speaking to me again would be too much.

[kisekileia.livejournal.com]

That is really really dumb that she has that attitude. If people didn't have a sexuality until they started having sex, Christians who wait for marriage would be asexual until their wedding nights. Um, no. They obviously are sexual beings with sexual feelings, since they chose to marry! Tell that to your mother.

[alexmegami]

I did! I had that exact same point! She said that she had crushes/admiration for her female friends before getting married and found them attractive. (I pointed out that admiring is not the same thing as, you know, sexual feelings...)

[safti]

I can find people attractive on a theoretical basis, but not be attracTED. And I think most people are like that. Tsk.

And what is she trying to say? Marriage erases the possibility of OMG tEh GAY?

[alexmegami]

I don't think so, but... eh, who knows?

[safti]

It really is a little inscrutable.