One minute you're waiting for the sky to fall / And next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all...

[alexmegami]

Oh my god... university 'opener' session today... lists of universities and their 'coming-in-to-see-us' dates...

I am seriously going to crack soon. I don't think I've ever felt so helpless and lost. It's my most important year, right? But I've lost all will to do well. I have ceased to care. All I want to do is crawl into bed and hide. I did that yesterday. Surprisingly it helped. Unfortunately, I have to force myself to get up in the morning and go to school.

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight
Gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight

Except my darkness is winning. It's becoming almost all-consuming. Everywhere I turn it's wrong, bad, unwanted, boring, helpless. And I have no idea what to do about it. This extends everywhere. School work? What work? You mean expend EFFORT? Social life? What social life? Almost everyone is gone, or rarely-seen, and those that aren't are slowly driving me up the wall. And there's really no one else to turn to. Call me a creature of habit, but I find it very hard to make new friends. I have to be introduced to them by existing friends. Otherwise I get all shy and receeding.

I can't handle the reponsibility of OAC; how the fuck am I going to manage university?

Never a breath you can afford to waste

But that's exactly what I'm doing. Wasting breath.

*******

On a semi-different note, I'd like to extend apologies to many, many people. I'm not going to list them all, but put it this way: if I've ever been a complete moron, and it's affected you in some way or another, I apologize. (Paticularly Chantal, since she's probably put up with the most out of anyone 9_9; I have no idea how you put up with me, Chantal-sama, but thank you for doing so ^^; *huggles*)

*******

I'm not a thinker, but I do nothing; so what does that make me?

Comments

[shugahkitty.livejournal.com]

ali, whatever it is you'll do fine. they're just trying to scare u, it's not hard...just try to keep your 6oacs and you'll ace the admissions...and the rest is a piece of cake...it's prolly just scary cos you dunno wut's next or ahead of u
as for friends, i know u can make tons of them...usually worshippers of u :) hehe! luv u ali!!

it all seems overwhelming at first....

[yuehmei.livejournal.com]

you'll do fine. =) i know you will. and yeah, when they hit you with all of the info and say stuff like "make sure to apply for a university you KNOW you'll get into!" and stuff like that, it is scary. but you know what? practically everybody i know got into all of the ones they applied for. and if they didn't, it's cuz they were realy really really hard (and therefore competitive programs) such as business and math and stuffs like that. as for the social scene, it often surprises me when i make friends in class (harder now that i'm at uni, not a lot of time to talk, just listen) but it happens. it will happen. hard to believe, but it will. trust me, i'm old and wise. ;)

anyway, take care of yourself alright? don't stress too much!!! save that for when you're at uni. =) and just to let you know, everybody on my floor is either a psych major, or a kinesiology major. (except for a few, namely me, but i do know somebody majoring in psych and communications, that's half of my major! oh yeah, and there's all the business peeps (but not as many as you might think) and we had a moozik student but she jumped boat and now she's at macmaster. so i guess laurier wasn't for her. totally fine.) okay, that was a long paranthesis thing. Just do all of your reading before it's time for class. (soooooooooo trust me on that!!!! you totally have to do that at uni). I'll talk 2 you later!!!! love ya!!!!