alexmegami | (no subject)

Alex: I do want Terry Pratchett's children.
Patrick @ Work: I thought you were all about the no children.
Alex: You know, I find it amusing that originally I had that sentence prefaced with "If I were the type to want children," but I took it out for reasons unknown.
Patrick @ Work: I find that amusing. Admit it... you're total maternal instinct girl.
Alex: Oh yeah. For sure. I'm all about the cleaning up puke and shit. And I don't love sleep, or require massive amounts of it on a daily basis.
Alex: All about the babies, right here.
Patrick @ Work: Don't forget the mood swings. And the heavy weight on your belly.
Alex: Oh. Yeah. Because having a third of my weight attached to my stomach is exactly what I've always wanted.
Patrick @ Work: I can just imagine.
Patrick @ Work: Morning sickness. Morning sickness is sexy.
Alex: Yep. And the constant need to piss.
Patrick @ Work: Then there's childbirth and the stretch marks.
Alex: And the sagging.
Patrick @ Work: The solution is obvious: we engage in activities that may make you pregnant.
Alex: Woo-hoo! I always wanted to be a teenage mother when I grew up!
Patrick @ Work: I knew that you did, deep down.
Patrick @ Work: The university student thing was just a front.
Alex: It was all in an attempt to find a rich man to knock me up. I can admit it now.
Patrick @ Work: Well, I'm glad.
Patrick @ Work: The lies can finally end. We'll get you a trailer, you can take up smoking.
Alex: And drinking!
Alex: While getting and being pregnant!
Patrick @ Work: Damn straight.
Alex: Can I sleep around with the other trailer trash too? Can I can I can I?
Patrick @ Work: Only if I can leave you at the age of twenty-five for someone younger and prettier.
Alex: Deal. But you have to promise to be abusive.
Patrick @ Work: Oh, man. Done, and done...
Patrick @ Work: Let me break out the ol' car parts. All over the front lawn.
Patrick @ Work: You can learn to speak only in cusses. It'll be adorable.
Alex: I can feel my IQ dropping already! Hurrah!
Patrick @ Work: We'll get the whole family dressed up for the weekly bail hearings, on account of all the domestics....
Alex: And our first kid'll never have a real name, since he'll always be "Junior". All the other kids will have hyphenated names.
Patrick @ Work: With plenty of 'y's?
Alex: Well, I was thinking Mary-Lou and Billy-Bob, but I guess I could spell them Myry-Lyu and Billi-Byb.
Alex: And Bryttny-Mycknzy.
Alex: I always hated vowels.
Patrick @ Work: Who doesn't?
Alex: Them intellectuals.
Patrick @ Work: Fuck'em. All they ever done? No flyin' cars, yet.
Alex: Yer a durn sight smarter'n them, anyway, Billy-Pat.
Patrick @ Work: Fuckin'A. Now I'mma go ride my harley-compatible down to the bar, get tanked, and start a fight.
Alex: Ooh, I like my men with no noses. Makes 'em look deesteenguished.
Patrick @ Work: Who needs a nose? I'll smell with my eyes.
Alex: And they do smell. Or maybe that's just the Jack Daniels.
Patrick @ Work: I'll quit drinkin' so much tomorrow.
Alex: Y'always do.
Patrick @ Work: The drunk tank'll help me sober up.
Alex: Yup. Meanwhile, I'm gonna go next door for some, uh, sugar.
Patrick @ Work: This to that Billy Ray's place? Always there for hours.. how stupid can that man be, having trouble finding the sugar.
Alex: Mmhmm. Can't imagine where he hides that stuff.

---

Alex: And the real Alex returned, and beat up the impostor, and sanity was restored.
Patrick @ Work: I was enjoying insane Alex.
Patrick @ Work: She was funny.
Alex: It was funny, but also really, really disturbing. On the surreal level of well-adjusted Malfoy.
Patrick @ Work: That dream, by the way, was random. Chaos type random.
Alex: It was very weird.
Alex: I mean, think of Hallmark commerical families. Then put the Malfoys in. It's too strange.
Patrick @ Work: What you should do is go to Scotland, and tie up the actors who play the malfoys until they are a cohesive family unit.
Alex: ...sorry, you lost me at tying up Tom Felton and Jason Issacs.
Patrick @ Work: I imagined I would.