Well, it's 3 AM...

And here I am again, avoiding sleep that I need.

Part of it is probably that I napped for four hours today. Even though I was tired, that was probably a bad idea. So was the extra large hot apple cider at Timmy's. But I think the worst part is just the thoughts churning through my head. They won't let me sleep until I've exhausted myself on them.

I also want the Tony book to be out. I think this may be because I'm expecting to see Jace in him somewhere, except Jace was never a gay street kid who did tricks until a vampire put him up and gave him regular sex in exchange for a little blood now and then.

Now I kind of wish he had been. Damn.

I think the biggest block for my writing is that I know where I want it to start, and I know where I want it to end, but I don't know how to make the middle bits fall into place, and I don't want to make the effort to write something and slog through editing it later. Being able to BS essays in high school and university in the last couple of days before they were due, and getting anywhere between a seventy and a ninety on them, has made me soft. I do not have the will to slog through something and edit it.

I need a teacher who will give me a C on something that is only worth a C. Or a D, if that's what I should get.

And then I fear that I'll just switch out of the class into one where my reality is confirmed rather than put any effort into changing.