My Guilty Pleasure

Most people's guilty pleasure is something elaborate or rich. Chocolate, for example, that decadent and sweet favorite of women when it isn't Valentine's Day. Sex, for some, something they won't admit to having but love while they are having it, only to be unable to face the mirror in the morning.

Mine is pickles. Mini-pickles, to be exact - not gherkins, but those crunchy mini-pickles that aren't soggy like their larger counterparts, tiny and tart and oh so tasty.

But my guilty pleasure needs an appetizer. I discovered the joy of sandwiches - and not just any sandwiches; I normally loathe sandwiches. THESE sandwiches, however, are like joy heaped with delight, especially when followed by extra mini-pickles, or nachos and salsa, but I suspect only in Simon's kitchen.

RECIPE

1+ egg bagels, untoasted
kielbasa loaf (meat), thinly sliced
marble cheese, in large sticks or thin slices to taste
mini-pickles, thinly sliced (or jammed into your mouth faster than you can cut them)
mustard
garlic sauce*

Pile on ingredients until sandwich is to liking. Ketchup, chopped onions, salsa, or many other condiments may be added if one is insane (I like my sammich simple). Eat more bread with garlic sauce, more cheese with garlic sauce, and finish meal by eating the rest of the pickles.

GARLIC SAUCE
(in, essentially, a large plastic cup)
two heaped teaspoons mustard
two heaped teaspoons mayonnaise
Two or three crushed garlic cloves
white vinegar until it is two finger widths from the top
cream

Shake until mixed.