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Oh my god... university 'opener' session today... lists of universities and their 'coming-in-to-see-us' dates...
I am seriously going to crack soon. I don't think I've ever felt so helpless and lost. It's my most important year, right? But I've lost all will to do well. I have ceased to care. All I want to do is crawl into bed and hide. I did that yesterday. Surprisingly it helped. Unfortunately, I have to force myself to get up in the morning and go to school.
Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight
Gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight
Except my darkness is winning. It's becoming almost all-consuming. Everywhere I turn it's wrong, bad, unwanted, boring, helpless. And I have no idea what to do about it. This extends everywhere. School work? What work? You mean expend EFFORT? Social life? What social life? Almost everyone is gone, or rarely-seen, and those that aren't are slowly driving me up the wall. And there's really no one else to turn to. Call me a creature of habit, but I find it very hard to make new friends. I have to be introduced to them by existing friends. Otherwise I get all shy and receeding.
I can't handle the reponsibility of OAC; how the fuck am I going to manage university?
Never a breath you can afford to waste
But that's exactly what I'm doing. Wasting breath.
*******
On a semi-different note, I'd like to extend apologies to many, many people. I'm not going to list them all, but put it this way: if I've ever been a complete moron, and it's affected you in some way or another, I apologize. (Paticularly Chantal, since she's probably put up with the most out of anyone 9_9; I have no idea how you put up with me, Chantal-sama, but thank you for doing so ^^; *huggles*)
*******
I'm not a thinker, but I do nothing; so what does that make me?
I am seriously going to crack soon. I don't think I've ever felt so helpless and lost. It's my most important year, right? But I've lost all will to do well. I have ceased to care. All I want to do is crawl into bed and hide. I did that yesterday. Surprisingly it helped. Unfortunately, I have to force myself to get up in the morning and go to school.
Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight
Gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight
Except my darkness is winning. It's becoming almost all-consuming. Everywhere I turn it's wrong, bad, unwanted, boring, helpless. And I have no idea what to do about it. This extends everywhere. School work? What work? You mean expend EFFORT? Social life? What social life? Almost everyone is gone, or rarely-seen, and those that aren't are slowly driving me up the wall. And there's really no one else to turn to. Call me a creature of habit, but I find it very hard to make new friends. I have to be introduced to them by existing friends. Otherwise I get all shy and receeding.
I can't handle the reponsibility of OAC; how the fuck am I going to manage university?
Never a breath you can afford to waste
But that's exactly what I'm doing. Wasting breath.
*******
On a semi-different note, I'd like to extend apologies to many, many people. I'm not going to list them all, but put it this way: if I've ever been a complete moron, and it's affected you in some way or another, I apologize. (Paticularly Chantal, since she's probably put up with the most out of anyone 9_9; I have no idea how you put up with me, Chantal-sama, but thank you for doing so ^^; *huggles*)
*******
I'm not a thinker, but I do nothing; so what does that make me?
