What is it with me...

And people I can't have?

Watch Ali kick herself.

And now, everyone's gone. I was going to call Serena but I didn't have time. I'll call everyone tomorrow! *nod* Including Chantal at work! *nod* Except I won't. We all know my absolute undying LOATHING of phones. I hate them.

Being left with your memories for a weekend with no distractions other than mindless work is NOT fun.
"If I see Serena... I'll give her the Girlfriends book." Of course, I didn't, because of her parents (who are annoying all the time, no exceptions). So, I have the book. I probably have every detail of it committed to memory, from the doodles of Youji and Jesse on the front cover to the stick-figure Shaun stuck in the sushi on the "We Love" page to the doodles everywhere.

Then there was Lydia's party. Gods I miss my cousins. Lydia looks surprisingly the same each time I see her... once a year, twice most since she lives in Italy most of the year - but Lori's changed a lot... not in personality, but in looks. She's still her sarcastic yet goodnatured self.

It's all fun until everyone leaves. Then you're left with snapshots and memories. And even if the memories are good, they bring tears. Maybe I hold on to things too much. Actually, I'm positive I do. Just never the important things.

Gods, a year from now I'll be looking down the barrel of university. That scares me. I am seized at bizzare moments by this thought. Literally. I freeze when I think of it. I don't know why. Perhaps low-self-esteem rears its ugly head. I don't know if I'll get accepted. Or if I'll be able to pay for it. Or... you know, whatever. And - boom. Heart hesitates, breath stops, eyes glaze. I'm too young for anxiety attacks, damn you body.

I'm too young for this. I should be older. With age comes wisdom. Right. Whoever said that should be shot. Maybe I should be shot. Don't take that seriously.

I need WeiB.
Actually, I need... Well, I don't know what I need. Someone to sleep next to me at nights would be a start. Snugglebitch indeed. Damn me.
I-N-F-A-T... okay, scratch WeiB, I need Prozzak. The group. Though the drug might be useful.

'Her trapped terror was more lovely than any joy Molly had ever seen, and that was the most terrible thing about it.'

"I can feel this body dying all around me..." -Amalthea, The Last Unicorn (movie)

'"What have you done to me?" she cried. "I will die here!" She tore at the smooth body, and blood followed her fingers. "I will die here! I will die!"' - Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn