Alex's Journal

Thu, 02 Nov 2017 00:49:27 GMT

Is depression because SAD, or is depression because NaNo?

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Tue, 29 Aug 2017 03:00:16 GMT

I'm so tired.

Part of that is just everyday background noise - I'm almost always a little bit tired, even on good days, which is frustrating as fuck when I'm doing everything in my power not to be - plus my period started today and it was a crazy busy weekend, on top of all that.

But I'm TIRED, like almost fell asleep partway through a treatment tired. And of course tired comes with unmotivated, which introduces depression. I have two calls for submissions I want to write things for; I wrote the opening scene for both... a month ago, and have gotten nowhere with either of them.

And I'm kind of at a loss for what to do about it, anymore. I sleep about eight hours a night (maybe slightly closer to 7.5). I mostly go to sleep and get up at the same time. I tried eating more healthily and that became its own energy sink. Same with exercise. Keeping up with either or both of them has generally ended in a week of eating like shit because the sheer effort required to plan, shop for, and execute a meal was beyond my capabilities anymore. Exercise never seems to give me this mythical energy that it's supposed to. I just feel more tired. At best, I feel like I'm the same, but with less time. Of course, I'm not doing much of anything with that time, anyway.

I don't know. I feel like other people have somehow mastered "get up -> get ready -> eat breakfast -> work -> eat lunch -> work -> errands -> eat dinner -> do life stuff -> sleep" in a way that I just... haven't. I feel like I'm losing time at every turn and I don't know why. Can I not focus? Am I just lazy? Why am I so fucking tired all the goddamn time? How have other people mastered this, not just for themselves, but for entire goddamn families? Am I this much of a fuckup? It's depressing as fuck, that's for sure.

I just want to sleep and feel rested and motivated. That's all.

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Okay, I guess now that this is here I'mma use it for processing

Mon, 24 Apr 2017 03:02:45 GMT

( Sundays are not Fundays. Sundays are 'Alex's depression is terrible' days. )

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Reading old LJ posts while waiting on the port.

Wed, 12 Apr 2017 04:21:48 GMT

"There are those who believe that knowledge can only be recalled, that there was some Golden Age in the distant past when everything was known and the stones fitted together so you could hardly put a knife between them, you know, and it's obvious they had flying machines, right, because of the way the earthworks can only be seen from above, yeah? and there's this museum I read about where they found a pocket calculator under the altar of this ancient temple, you know what I'm saying? but the government hushed it up...*

* It's amazing how good governments are, given their track record in almost every other field, at hushing things up like alien encounters."

-Terry Pratchett

I didn't attribute this in my original post, but I'm going to hazard a guess given the subject material that it's Pyramids.

And I would be utterly wrong, because it's actually Hogfather I literally just read that four months ago BRAIN WHY HAVE YOU FAILED ME

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Alex's Journal

Okay, I guess now that this is here I'mma use it for ~~processing~~

Reading old LJ posts while waiting on the port.

Okay, I guess now that this is here I'mma use it for processing