Sigh...

Jun. 15th, 2010 11:41 pm
alexmegami: (Default)
So, school is going well. (Really well, actually. Of four marks returned - admittedly three of which are only quizzes worth about 2% of my mark each - I've gotten 95% or higher.)

But I'm finding that because of that, I'm getting two reactions from a number of my classmates. Which one is weirder, I couldn't say.

The first is a kind of... idol-worship, to be honest. Like these powers of intelligence are beyond the ken of mere men. And especially now, as I get older and my thoughts on this have become a little less self-centered, I find it awkward, painful, kind of embarrassing, and honestly off-putting.

I keep trying to explain to people that I do well because, well, in the language of multiple-intelligences, I have a pretty stellar linguistic intelligence, which makes written tests easy. I can break down words into their Latin roots at the drop of a hat, making puzzling out, say, where the costochondral joints are vs. where the sternocostal joints are easy. (And this often means that even if I don't know an answer, I can guess with reasonable certainty at the correct one.)

Unfortunately, I can't seem to explain to people that while I am great at the Standardized Testing Intelligence, that doesn't 1) make me smarter than them; 2) doesn't make them stupid; 3) doesn't mean that they will never learn this information ever.

It's stressful being the standard everyone is holding themselves to (or a lot of them seem to be, anyway). It means that if I 'fail', there's either going to be despair ("how can I hope to do well") or gloating ("I did better than Alex!"). Neither of those are especially fun for me.

What makes it especially bad is that I can't show them how I do it. It just wouldn't work for most of them (I've tried showing them and it doesn't help them at all). Unfortunately, they're going to need to spend some time figuring out how they can best consume/process the info.

The second... is a low-grade teasing about my grades, which in some people feels like it masks a current of resentment. A lot of you probably recognize that, I think.

And me, I'm just like... guys, the only standard you need is the 70% required to pass the course. This isn't a bell curve; my grades are and should be irrelevant to you.

Maybe I'll try to just... not discuss it further.
alexmegami: (Default)
I have

* a headache of massive proportions
* an epic love for Heroes
* a reason to be singing Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne (shoot me, it's catchy)
* a terrible need for KITTENS
* no job, no prospects, no hope
* a burning desire to travel
alexmegami: (Default)
We lost the Valentine's Day footage because the recipient didn't call us. Now all we have is her interviews, a friend of hers that we know nothing about and have little idea when she's going to show up, and no moving shots, really, at all.

I mean, goddamn this is going to be a boring-ass three minutes.

People are just so goddamn unreliable. First Brian, now this, and Werewolf (though that wasn't really unreliability... just annoying/stressful)... Goddamn.

I can't sleep. I just feel too frustrated with the world.

On top of all that, Mom's back in the hospital. Apparently her chest cavity is still filling with fluid, but her catheters aren't draining properly and no one knows why. Well, fuckin' awesome. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. Chemo's off for this week, hopefully if they can drain her it'll get done next week.

And, of course, no one thought to FUCKING TELL ME THIS UNTIL TODAY! So when my dad called earlier, I was totally like, 'oh, she's finishing chemo this week'... apparently not.

Grr and sigh.

Can I quit now?
alexmegami: (Default)
So I look at my Article Critique mark in UWACE, and it says "19%".

I was all OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK HOLY HELL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

And then I looked at the e-mail from the course instructor and it said, "That's out of 25."

...oh, thank God. I can live with a 76%. But I almost cried.

I THINK I LOST A YEAR OF MY LIFE TO ABJECT TERROR.

That is all.

EDIT: In other news, my unofficial marks for ENGL 377R is 86% and for ENGL 490 is 88%, yay!
alexmegami: (Default)
One more exam. ONE. And it is in 11 days, so I have PLENTY of time to study for it (ha ha ha oh aren't I a card).

I may actually survive this. Who knew?

I'm expecting around 75% for Grammar II, at least an 85% for Frontiers, an 80% for Death and Dying, and hopefully a 75-80% for Advertising. Shakespeare is still up in the air, since 65% of my grade is as yet unmarked (essay + exam), and Psychosexual Organization is much the same (55% of my mark pending, 25% tied up in my terrible-ass essay).

I can do it! But first, sleep, because OMG face-to-keyboard go.
alexmegami: (Default)
Well, I was really tired when I went to bed... and I still am. But now I'm more depressed than anything, so rather than listening to my anxiety-brain, I'm going to sit up and, uh, listen to depressing Barenaked Ladies music.

I ARE TEH EMO.

Okay, let's see if switching up the music a little doesn't help things...

Nope.

Fuck. My exam is in five hours, and I can't sleep. I may very well wind up just staying awake through the whole damn time, and then sleeping at noon. (I can afford to botch this exam, but I'd really prefer not to.)

Also, I want a hug.
alexmegami: (Default)
89% on my Brokeback to the Future (...I mean, The Brokeback Virginian... I mean... oh, forget it) essay. Nice. At least I'm only failing Shakespeare and Advertising, then.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Working on my Advertising final portfolio. 45% of my final mark is tied up in this damn thing, and I don't know what I'm doing. (Well... I probably do, but I sure as hell don't feel like it.)

Bleh. I feel kind of crummy overall.
alexmegami: (Default)
Slightly better mood now. Thank you everyone for the hugs and sympathy. It's just been a stressful couple of days. I'm going to take an hour or so (more) off, then edit my Article Critique, and then relax a little. I'm on top of most everything else, I think.
alexmegami: (Default)
ENGL 377R - 06 April, 09:00 AM
ENGL 363 - 06 April, 12:30 PM

ENGL 490 - 11 April, 09:00 AM

PSYCH 318 - 22 April, 04:00 PM

*tears out hair* But I don't FUNCTION at 9 AM!
alexmegami: (Default)
I know I'm posting instead of reading, which Pat will probably berate me for, but -

My schedule for the upcoming week is this:

Monday:
-Shakespeare test (10%)
-have finished Grammar II take-home test (10%)


Tuesday:
-have finished three readings for Psychosexual Organization
-have finished short paper/response for Psychosexual Organization (??)
-have finished reading the second half of The Virginian

-Advertising exam (10%)

Wednesday:
-have read The Merry Wives of Windsor
-have finished two readings + class notes for Death and Dying

Thursday:
-Firefly seminar with Min (20%)

I am very, VERY stressed right now. Thank god the week after next is fairly empty (short of having readings; only one exam, at least), so I'll be able to relax a little... maybe. Cheer me on as I cross stuff off.

That said, I am reading my Death and Dying course notes now, and here's a Burris-ism he put into our handout:

"There is growing concern regarding the 'obesity epidemic' in North America, such that Sesame Street's Cookie Monster now makes a distinction between "any time food" and "sometimes food", including cookies... leading to rumours that Cookie Monster had to go through rehab (OK, I made that last part up - but only the last part!)."
alexmegami: (Default)
Well, while these holidays were good, they have also been stressful. Between arguing politics with everyone, having to defend Patrick against pretty much the same, and enduring my grandmother's thinly-veiled (and once blatant) racist and anti-gay remarks... I'm starting to wonder if I'll be able to do it again next year without [verbally] blowing someone's head off.

Patrick, you really need to stop making yourself sound worse than you are. It has now literally caused arguments between me and my mother.

Furthermore, the stress from the online application fiasco hasn't dwindled any. While I know I won't find out anything for at least another few hours, I am infinitely worried that they will not be able to (or will refuse to) get rid of the incorrect information, which is $80 out of my pocket.

In addition, my mother and stepfather have apparently not conferred on how much aid they can give me for university, up to the point where Dad has told me that they won't be able to pay for any of it, and Mom denied this when I brought it up. So who knows what the fuck is going on there.

Overall, I feel very, very out of control of my situation right now, with no way to make it right again.
alexmegami: (Default)
My inability to read + OCAS's inability to let me get rid of my mistakes = Alex is filled with RAGE AND STRESS.
alexmegami: (Default)
Things not to be reminding myself of suddenly:

Oh yeah, the White Wolf results come out in four days.

Way to give yourself an ulcer, Alex. On top of the one you were already cultivating.

Jesus fuck, woman, get a hold of yourself.
alexmegami: (Lidia)
I've been trying to e-mail my submission for the past half hour, and Stewart Wieck keeps replying to tell me that the e-mail is sending my .rtf attachment as bizzaro text within the e-mail, rather than as, say, AN ATTACHMENT.

This, as you can imagine, makes me and the baby Jesus want to cry.

STRESS.

If it does not work from my work e-mail, I don't know what I will do. Waaaaah.

Edit: Sending from work e-mail worked. Will go hyperventilate in a closet for a minute. But, yes. It's in, folks. No turning back now.

Now I'm just stressed that they will/won't choose it. I can't decide which would be more stressful; thinking about either makes me want to cry and vomit.

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