May. 24th, 2016 01:58 am
alexmegami: (Punkelf)
Two months before the end of therapy, and I'mma have two major meltdowns in one month. A+ terrific would do again.

I don't even know where to talk about shit like this any more. It's definitely not FB material. No one replies to things on Tumblr. I don't really use chat clients much. I guess texting, but anyone I would text about it I don't want to burden with my shit. LJ is basically screaming into the void and hoping someone picks up the signal.
alexmegami: (Punkelf)

Pretty much what it says on the tin.

stars are never sleeping
dead ones and the living

their jealousy's spilling down
the stars must stick together
we will never be rid of these stars
but I hope they live forever

Life stuff

Mar. 19th, 2009 12:43 am
alexmegami: (Default)
So we're looking down the barrel of the end of March, and I'm still sitting at 4/50 books for the year.

Today (technically yesterday) was day 366 of working for my current employer, and the same complaints I've had for a while remain. They're asking me to do more work than I can handle on my own, despite the fact that I've said several times that I can't handle the load alone. I was there until 7 PM today, and really could have stayed longer if I were able to (I needed to leave to eat and ship off Purolator items, and can't return once I've left). Everyone needs things NOW, but I only have so many NOWs that I can dole out and it's not always possible even then. Sometimes you just have to wait on the other guy.

Part of me says, you have savings, just leave and try and find something closer to home. I might, after we find out how much I owe in income tax (from being "self-employed" for four months). But part of me worries that there's nothing out there for anyone, especially not me.

Every time I look at my life I see things that I'm failing to do, that I don't have time and energy for. To be honest, I'm also not sure I have the motivation to do them. But I don't have the time or energy to find out.

I don't see the people that are close to me often enough. And there's not enough weekend to cram everyone into, and even if I'm free... sometimes you just have to wait on the other guy.

I'm so tired, but I can never sleep. I've been having a lot of disturbed sleep lately. Not-quite-nightmares, uneasy rest full of monsters that seem human.

Sometimes I just want to go away, but I know I'll be taking me along. There's no getting away from that.
alexmegami: (Default)
Well, I was really tired when I went to bed... and I still am. But now I'm more depressed than anything, so rather than listening to my anxiety-brain, I'm going to sit up and, uh, listen to depressing Barenaked Ladies music.


Okay, let's see if switching up the music a little doesn't help things...


Fuck. My exam is in five hours, and I can't sleep. I may very well wind up just staying awake through the whole damn time, and then sleeping at noon. (I can afford to botch this exam, but I'd really prefer not to.)

Also, I want a hug.


alexmegami: (Default)

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