alexmegami: (Default)
To those that say that Jon Stewart never makes fun of Democrats:

(America: the Book Calendar, 01/07 and 01/08)

The Democratic Party's symbol, the donkey, represents the type of stubbornness that forces a town council to put a menorah up in the square alongside the Christmas tree even though the town only has five Jewish families.

The Republican Party's symbol, the elephant, represents the astounding memory of people who, if you say anything about them ever, file it away in a Rolodex of spite... and then trample you to death.
alexmegami: (Default)
Katie-my-love made me this Jon Stewart icon for Christmas!

It makes me giggle with girlish glee.
alexmegami: (Default)
Oh, Neil...

Upon finding out that Disney is replacing Christopher Robin with a tomboy girl because Winnie the Pooh needs "a breath of fresh air", Neil Gaiman began to post as though he were a six year old girl, 'with a small number of endearing catchphrases'.

My favorite line is:

Gee. If I wasn't six years old and completely fictional, I'd be there like a shot. Oh, bitchcakes.


-----

In other news, I am putting out a mandate. All parents must now act like SimonB's parents. This is because
1) they are awesome
and
2) [livejournal.com profile] mistress_gwen will be completely unable to function around them. Fun for the whole me!

-----

ALSO ALSO, Jon Stewart is my GOD.

Wanna know whyfor this week?

Bill O'Reilly has apparently been making this huge deal about how Jon hates Christmas. So Jon comes back with this in his opening segment tonight:

JON (surrounded by mistletoe, holly, evergreen branches and flashing lights):

"I, Jon Stewart, hate Christmas, Christians, Jews and morality. I will not rest until every year, families gather to spend every December 25th together at Osama's Homobortion Pot 'n Commie Jizzporium."
alexmegami: (Default)
Jon Stewart [to Martha]: You know what we do when we have to fire people? We send them a strippergram. It's great. And until he takes his shirt off, everyone's having fun. Afterwards, it's like, 'oh... really?' *sad face*

---

Oi, writer-people!

Which is more interesting:
-people stuck in overtly (not their religion) religious situations that they can't get out of
-chess metaphors with a girl that goes, "I like the queens" and then runs over all the pieces in her path with a queen while going "NYEEEERRRRMMMM!!"
or
-a woman fighting to be respected in a male-dominated job?

Does your answer change if it has to be under, say, 1000 words?

---

Also, supposedly White Wolf results are tomorrow. We shall see when I wake up.

Jon Stewart

Oct. 8th, 2005 12:30 am
alexmegami: (Default)
Jon Stewart is:
1. love
2. sex
3. not going to mention Patrick on TV
3b. ...because people would think he was gay
3c. ...also not going to mention Toronto rocks
3c1. ...because it's OK, Winnipeg knows

Yeah. Pat and I shouted "MENTION US ON YOUR SHOW!"
Jon Stewart: Mention you on my show? What should I say?
Patrick: PATRICK ROCKS!
Jon Stewart: I'm not going to say that, because they would have no idea what I was talking about... and then would assume we were fucking.
Girl (on other side of Massey Hall): That's legal here!
Other Girl (below): Tell them Toronto rocks!
Jon Stewart: That's more the voice range I'm looking for... what now?
Other Girl: Toronto rocks!
Jon Stewart: That sounds a little like you're overcompensating for something. It's okay... Winnipeg knows.

It was hilarious.
alexmegami: (Default)
(Today's trivia: did you know Jon Stewart is a full inch shorter than me? He's hot, he's 43, he's shorter than me. I'm not sure how I feel about that. However, I will still use my spare time to ponder the possibilities of converting to Judaism.)

Key quotes from tonight:

The "General Grant" and the HORN

Bill O'Reilly: Civilian lawyers and human rights groups are allies of terror!

Bill O'Reilly: Let's tell John McCain torture WORKS!

Jon: (re: the plane crash that everyone survived) "IT WASN'T A MIRACLE!"
[clip of EMT worker talking about their excellent response time, etc.]
Jon: "FINALLY! Some kudos to human excellence in the field. Those EMTs are awesome..."
EMT worker: "And it was really a miracle..."
Jon: "NO! IT WAS THEIR SATANIC COMPETENCE!"

News Reporter: "And is it just me, or is there a baby boom of pandas in this country?"
Jon: "Perhaps it's a miracle! Or perhaps it's [ominous] SEASONAL BREEDING PATTERNS."

Jon: "You're too white to say schmutz."

Jon Stewart: "Does [Novak] absorb light?"
Miles O'Brien: "I think he glows in the dark."
alexmegami: (Default)
Why couldn't Jon Stewart have given my Commencement speech?

"I am honored to be here, I do have a confession to make before we get going that I should explain very quickly. When I am not on television, this is actually how I dress. I apologize, but there’s something very freeing about it. I congratulate the students for being able to walk even a half a mile in this non-breathable fabric in the Williamsburg heat. I am sure the environment that now exists under your robes, are the same conditions that primordial life began on this earth.

I know there were some parents that were concerned about my speech here tonight, and I want to assure you that you will not hear any language that is not common at, say, a dock workers union meeting, or Tourrett’s convention, or profanity seminar. Rest assured."

Whole thing under the cut, because I want this in case the link goes defunct )

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